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Shot Of The Day

Church of the Nativity

When it's all a Blur

She said it with such clarity. Like she could see the experience unfolding before her. Like she could actually do it if she tried. She took a deep breath and started her tirade — “Is it all a blur to you? Like the merry-go-round of life is moving so fast that everything is blurry? Don’t you ever feel like you want to stick your foot out of the moving ball and slow it down so it’s all not such a blur?” I laughed out loud as she mimed the motion, hiking her leg up, shoving it out to the side as far as she could to slow the motion of the earth and straining her face to show the resistance against her leg. I laughed until I thought about my own blur. Wake up. Take dog to pee before he leaks on the carpet. Hold my pee while I cajole the dog back into the house trying not to leak on the carpet myself. Brush teeth. Hair? Banana clip, again. Feed dog. Walk dog. Scoop poop. Make coffee. Sit down for my quiet time with GOD. Get up to make a note about something I learned. Get carried away writing it down and get jolted out of the moment by the phone ringing. Answer phone. Respond to the emergency. Take glass bead and move it from one jar to the other counting my 173rd day of my 45th year of life. Thank God for one more day. Ask Him to help me make it count. Act as the snooze alarm for my son. Kiss son until he says “mooooommmmmm.” Forget about the thing I was writing. Save it for later in a non descript place that I probably won’t remember. Eat breakfast while standing next to son. Make plan for day. Read with son. Skip workout thinking that paper work is more important and that a workout later will be my “break” from the crush of paper. Check hundreds of emails. Get diverted by 10 of them and let it direct the course of my day. Start to get into a funk when I realize that I’m not taking control of the day. Pray. Decide to do something important and not urgent with my son. Call my husband to hear the sound of his voice. Call my sisters to hear them laugh. Field phone calls from friends. Simultaneously cry, laugh, and share wisdom with each friend. Make list. Take son to orthodontist. Leave calendar at home. Call to schedule next appointment. Think about working out. Edit pictures and finish project. Negotiate lease. Pay bills. Contest credit card charge after speaking to a computer and remaining on hold for 19 minutes. Call mom and leave message. Plan to work out tomorrow. Grocery shop. Plan and make dinner at the same time. Burn garlic bread. Air out house. Listen to son’s new song on guitar. Debate whether email is a valid thank you note. Think of a great ending to the piece I started writing this morning and then spend 9 1/2 minutes trying to find the first draft in my computer. Give up looking and write it down on a napkin and put it in the ever growing paper pile. Do an important task for my husband. Listen to his day while he pushes through the daily commute. Talk to mom. Remember something I learned during my quiet time and give it away to someone who needs it [funny how that almost always happens]. Feed dog. Walk dog. Scoop poop. Run errand. Run second errand after forgetting list from first. Take a walk after dinner with family. Watch my son walk and wonder how much bigger his feet will grow. Plan day for tomorrow. Remember that the only clear spots in my blurry day were the important ones. Time with GOD, time with son, time with husband. Time with friends. Go to bed remembering what someone once told me about riding roller coasters… Focus on a clear spot. An immovable object. Something stable. Look at that when the blur makes you dizzy or feel out of control. Keep coming back to that stable place. It will keep you centered. When it’s all a blur, focus on the thing that never changes…

Posted: 21 June 2009